DR. WALLACE: I'm in the eighth grade, and luckily for me, I'm an excellent student. I'm a girl who takes school seriously, and I do put in a lot of time and effort into my homework. My teachers call on me a lot in class, and they often tell me that I'm doing a good job.

On the one hand, I'm proud of that, but on the other hand, I don't want to get too much attention because I don't want to be looked at like some sort of a prima donna or anything. My mom's older sister is my aunt, and she visits our family home about once a month from out of town.

Whenever I come into our house and see my aunt there, my mom will almost always ask me to tell her about one of my recent academic achievements. I really don't want to say anything, but I feel obligated to tell my aunt what my mom wants me to point out to her. And every time I do, my aunt will always say the same thing, "I had no idea!" It's as if she had no idea that I'm a decent student and that I miraculously somehow did something well.

I love and respect my aunt, but every time she makes this comment, I get this mental picture of fingernails going down a chalkboard. Not only is it a ridiculous comment, but the way she says it makes it obvious that she and my mom have already talked about the situation completely and at length before I ever came home.

Why do older adults like my aunt persist in doing things like this? Otherwise, she's a nice lady, but I could do without her syrupy comments, especially when I know for sure that she does have an idea! — My Aunt Needs a New Line, via email

MY AUNT NEEDS A NEW LINE: You're learning that older generations, and many individuals who came before your time, find comfort in their routines, catchphrases and familiar sayings. Don't overly judge your aunt by her obviously inaccurate comment, especially by taking it literally. I think she's just making conversation, and this is her awkward way of both interacting with you and even praising you.

Focus on her good traits and everything else you like about her, and don't worry about this one very small quirk of hers. Trust me, she's proud of you and of her sister, your mother. Keep up your good work as you continue to do it without seeking any specific congratulations or attention for doing so.

I HAVE TWO GREAT BUT VERY DIFFERENT GRANDPAS

DR. WALLACE: I'm 12 years old and have two grandfathers. They're both really nice, but one of my grandfathers and I have bonded really closely with each other. It feels like we're two buddies hanging out even though we have such a wide age difference between us, of course. We can talk for hours about all kinds of things, and we really have a lot of fun together.

My other grandfather is a really nice man, and he always brings me a few small gifts whenever he visits, and I like him very much also. But it always feels a bit like we're strangers to each other and don't really talk too much or for too long to each other. Both my parents are really friendly and nice to both grandfathers, so there's no issues at all within our family; everybody gets along great.

Why do you think I'm way closer to one of my grandfathers than the other one even though they're both really good people? — I Notice a Difference, via email

I NOTICE A DIFFERENCE: You're learning that every human being has a different personality and different style of interacting with others. I trust that both of your grandfathers love you equally and unconditionally.

Certain personality styles tend to match up better than others do. And you're also learning the valuable lesson that even though you mesh quicker and easier with some personality types, it does not necessarily mean that people with different personality types don't like you, love you, respect you or want to wish you well. Everyone has a different style in this world, and you're a very smart and observant girl to notice this at your present age. Keep your mind, your eyes and your compassion wide open as you grow older, as these traits will serve you very well over your lifetime.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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